Khuwaab Adhooray Sahi,Khuwaab Saharay Toh Hein!!!!

How can unaccomplished and incomplete dreams be your strength and support???

Dont they just haunt you. As soon as you think of them they just rip your heart into uncountable pieces painfully reminding you of the end products which you might have achieved at the end of the accomplishment of that dream.

I am talking about the dreams which are beyond your reach,or for which you’ve tried hard enough with all your might and now you know that you cant make it come true or may be you even attempted to fly for it but because of some circumstances and reasons you quit the effort. Those kind of half baked dreams always be the reason of  cheerlessness, dejection and a heavy heart.


Posted by on February 24, 2011 in Heart talk


Going Beyond the Ethical Limits!!!!

For quite some time my patience has been tested,and i still am on trial. i just cant figure out the reasons that why am i being treated that way but those ways are extremely painful,stressful and hurtful.

What the issues (dont know even if it can be called an issue,either its a bad habit or good habit) with me are that i just cant go beyond the ethical limits i am being thought since childhood, which are flowing in my blood ever since i grew up into a gentle woman. No matter how angry i may be, no matter how furious on what so ever important matter i may be, no matter how upset or sad or distressed i may be i just cant do unethical actions like slamming the door hard right into its frame, or blasting the cutlery into each other that they would produce horrendous noise just to scare the other person out, or banging the keys hard on the table, or pulling the dining table chair with noise…..”NO WAY”. this all is read as unethical in my books or atleast ive beeen taught so.

Isnt it weird that just to show your annoyance and antagonism you go to such acts of being ill mannered, how cam some one?. Have you not ever been made to learn that all these acts which would be shown just to bring your own frustration out shows how have you been brought up and how mannered you are… i really make any sense?

For some one like me who places the door in its frame so quietly that others dont even get to know that ive entered, and place the glass on the table with out making a single noise this comes out to be hateful torture for me because it leaves me in tears out of anger as i find myself helpless in changing the circumstances.

last but not the least i feel like smashing the same thing right into the face of that person just to notify that it irritates me to this limit.


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Posted by on February 4, 2011 in Heart talk


W!th T!me as I GROW!!!!!!!


Its been very truly said that as u grow older, with different experiences the meanings of life changes for you depending on your very tests and trials and incidents you go through.

As I look back in life and look at the things or ideas I was very strict/firm about initially in my life, I find a change in those ideas of mine now in the present situation, again the alteration came due to the experiences that I have had so far.

Practical and books are two different things that I have found yet. it was easier to say it then, but its difficult for me to go through it now. It was me who had a firm believe in this fact that a girl who is well educated, has a professional degree, has been to university for 4 precious years of her life, has worked hard to get those golden grades should NOT work after she gets married and if she is financially well to do then there is no need to go out and look for money leaving the comfort zone of your home. Yes it was ME, MYSELF and I who had such thoughts. And now when I am going through the same situation practically I am literally hating it. Its very easier said than done. It gets very suffocating at times being at home 24/7, doing just all those routine house hold tasks and then you are done and nothing else to do except to watch tv or stick to your laptop. I feel like going out, breath  in fresh air,do what “IIIIIIIII” want to do, fly and kiss the sky. Unaware of the outside world and the latest technology you being an engineer rust at home doing nothing. Adding some more spice to the frustration, when you realize it that it was your very own choice………phew

There is one more perception that has changed by the time, but I cant really discuss it here. That will be tooooo controversial to be discussed here;)

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Posted by on January 30, 2011 in Heart talk


Shetan & our Nerves

Something just made me wonder that y is shetan so dominant over us? Y does he have so strong grip over our nerves and our decision making powers?  y cant we at times or may be always just by pass this shetan’s  misguidance and go to the right path.

Knowing the fact that what we have in our mind or the decision that we are going to make has both the right and the wrong faces to it, we still fall pray to his misguidance and choose to walk over the wrong path? Y is sin that ecstatic that it even makes us to forget the right paths defined by Allah who actually loves us even more than 70 mothers altogether. Y not that kindness,  uncountable blessings of Allah over powers our nerves when we are about to make the decision and stop us from going towards the wrong.

Even having this in our minds that going for the wrong path does have disadvantages in the long run for us but still just for that temporary pleasure and delight we tend to decide for it. Y do we take HIS love for granted, y doesn’t His uncountable grace and divine sanctions stop us from being unreasonable and look for sins willingly, y God himself has made the shetan so powerful and not our nerves that strong to fight against the evil thoughts and make him loose in front of the LOVE of All Mighty?or its the other way round,its us who dont know how to fight for the right cause????

Or is shetan that very strong or we are too weak to fight against him?

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Posted by on January 26, 2011 in Heart talk


Enough Already!

Enough  Enough  Enough Enough Enough!!!

Firstly its just like a minute dot on the canvas that says “enough”, then by the time it keeps growing and growing and it appears exacty as loud as they appear above. Its like an empty cylinder that keeps filling in and then in the end this large enough comes out of it as there is not sufficient space in it. I want to say it as the judge in any court room says “order order order” when some chaos goes on in the court room. I want to say it with burning eyes like coal so that the person whom it is intended for should know the intensity hidden behind these words. The growl  in the voice would make the person shiver and should know what enough means. No explanations, no clarifications, no justifications, no reasons should be required to explain what this ENOUGH means. Just the word itself should be so powerful to put the meaning across. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted by on January 24, 2011 in Heart talk


HUM Lerkian!

I had been observing something and feeling it touch my heart for quite a few days. I had been upto noticing and taking a deeper look at the life style and the daily routines of the women around me….not exactly around me but the women in general may be.

Be it a 5 year old baby , or a 10 year old girl, or a 15 year old teenager, or a 25 year old student, or a 32 year old wife, or a 40 year old widow, pr a 35 year old single woman, or a 29 year old divorcee, or a 50 year old mother or a 70 year old grand mother…….aaaalllll these women are just up to one thing, apart from the differences they have there is just one thing they all practice and either happily or half heartedly they have to do it. either they are from the different walks of life, different professions,different society status,different religions,different countries….they all are busy making people happy around themselves.

Not caring much for themselves,they just keep on going on and on and on to satisfy people, to ease them,to bring the best to them, to make the most out of everything to please every body around them, going beyond limits, going beyond their own berdasht and capabilities…..they all run in a circle of rejoicing people.

Is that what all women are for?and do they really get in return what they deserve?the appreciation, the acknowledgment, the love, the care, the time, the attention they deserve…do they really get all that….or at the end of every effort they always receive a pile of disagreements, abusive words, lack of attention, all sorts of heart breaking behaviors.

i dont understand that why are’nt women careless about all these things,why do they kep track of all the minutest details even if she knows what -ve reaction she ll get in return?. why dont they just be their own selves and donot kill their own wishes and desires for others sake.

I myself lie in the above stated category of women and probably i find myself helpless in becoming the opposite to the women  stated above.i dont have any suitable words to end this i am leaving it incomplete sans conclusion.


Posted by on September 23, 2010 in Heart talk


Forget about & To be?????

Is it too much to ask for what actually i am thinking about?or would i be at fault if i wish so?….questioning myself about these two things the answers i got were YES! its too much to ask for in my case,as the situation and the circumstances i am in it ll be inequitable to think so.

The thing i am talking about is just for once or once in a while i want to be MYSELF,to be on MY OWN,to be what i USED to be,to execute things MY WAY,to act upon MY OWN WILL,see and perceive things just keeping MYSELF in mind.

I just want to forget about everything else thats going on around me,forget about people,forget about the weather,forget about those various worries and tensions,forget about house hold operations,forget about getting up early in the morning,forget about making break fast for some one else,forget about ironing & washing clothes,forget about kitchen,forget about getting back to home within the time limits,forget about the jitters that i experience when getting late,forget about going to mum’s place just for helping her to execute a dawat (family party) well,forget to worry about mum that how will she manage all those chores now when i am not around,forget this that what ever i am doing i am being watched,forget about dusting and cleaning,forget about the restricted sleeping hours & forget about everything that makes me feel being restricted & that makes me run in a certain kind of day to day routine.

I want to set myself free as i previously was,sleep and eat and drink and read and surf and walk and dance and watch tv and shop and laugh and see frends and dine out and cook and clean and wash and dust off and assemble things and watch the rain silently with no one at all around me and lie in bed aimlessly staring the ceiling and endlessly talk on the fone and beautify myself and love and meet people and express and write and sing and visit loved ones and everything else that one can do or i used to do…i want all that to be done the way i want to do it. just for once i want all these things not to be dependent on any other xyz tasks,or ant other xyz operation or person to influence any of my actions.

Am i really asking for much?cant really decide……a thought says that YES! m asking for much as dats all not possible now.i gota reevaluate things and form neew priorities and fix my likes and dislikes according to them.i cant be MYSELF anymore.


Posted by on September 5, 2010 in Heart talk