9 in Total!!!!!!

9 months……..aint it a long long time,i am through with 8,1 more to go. But now i am unable to handle it any more. Am i being impatient or is it the case with every one going through this period. 8 months of restrictions already, now i am suffering from insomnia too, cant sleep in wanted/comfortable positions either. Emotionally drained, physically constrained, thought process ceased:(

Its not that , that i am not looking forward desperately to the end product, i am praying hard for everything to go well and healthy but now at this point of time i am being toooooo impatient and intolerant and itchy and anxious to get out of this situation and get back to normal life.

Plus this anomalistic physical condition restricts me from any kind of hectic activity, else ive got so much in pending needing my attention….the cupboards, the kitchen, the food etc etc.

Just hoping that the time passes like a flash as it does in the situations when u just want the time to freeze.

 

Deadlock it is!!!!!!!!!!!

Do relationships also come to a stand still?or is it just me who is feeling that the relation is in the iced form.its not moving forward, no new and further developments have been made for quite some time. And as the time is passing i find it difficult to move it to a next level of excitement, next level of affection, next level of attraction, next level of love.

Even if i try to bring all that essence in the relationship,i find the opposite party as dead as a doornail, probably it does not occur to the other party as it appears to me or how i feel it….and making the other party understand is pretty difficult to realize what i mean as the intellectual part of the personality in terms of relationship development is forever untouched.

Now one would probably think that why dont i get rid of it or why do i actually care……soooo the thing is,there are certain relationships in life you cant do without,you are destined to be with them once and for all. Its not so that you are forcefully being glued to them but you also are willing to be with them but for some odd reason or for the time being you certainly dont find it working.

I try my best to induce newness to it but mt efforts still feel and appear a failure.

 

(2).Its JUNE After All!!!!!

Hona tha pyaaaarrr,hua mere yaaaaarrrrr;)

hmm this is something that always astonishes me and makes me wonder that hmm…. IT WAS YOU,whom i fell for finally. For me it was like love after marriage. Otherwise it could have happened in school or college or university or any where else, but no,you were there waiting for me and i was made for you only that all through out my life before u came in i didnt come across any one,didnt find any one perfect enough for myself. Because WE were bound to meet and go head over heals for each other,MashaAllah.

I just always keep thanking Allah mian that HE made us for each other,rather made YOU for me as i couldnt have asked for anything else better than your presence in my life,Alhum do lillah.

 

Immunity Gained?????

Some times in life some things stick with you for LIFE. No matter how hard u may try to stop it from happening, no matter what ever measures u may take to avoid the occurrence of it but all the time and always at regular intervals it keeps bumping into you, making you cry, hurting you, torture you and make you bleed from inside. But avoiding the existence of it becomes impossible for you,it apparently becomes a permanent part of your life and it refuses not to disappear.

As the time passes, u learn to grow and live with these circumstances and accept it as a part of your life and try to ignore and not to pay attention at the presence of it. And at one point you absolutely become immune to its occurrence, it does not hurt you anymore, does not make u cry, does not make u bleed endlessly because it already has made so much damage that further more damage does not effect you in any way. It keeps coming into view and you just ignore it and move forward. You learn not to complain about it, you learn to accept it as it is, you learn to not make a big deal out of it. Because finally you come to realize that objecting and complaining are not working rather it only ruins the situation further more.

I dont know if i should have fought against it endlessly or i did it right by surrendering and getting immune to it presence, or some times i really wonder that if i really have gained the immunity or it still comes to haunt and hurt me to no bounds.

 

Khuwaab Adhooray Sahi,Khuwaab Saharay Toh Hein!!!!

How can unaccomplished and incomplete dreams be your strength and support???

Dont they just haunt you. As soon as you think of them they just rip your heart into uncountable pieces painfully reminding you of the end products which you might have achieved at the end of the accomplishment of that dream.

I am talking about the dreams which are beyond your reach,or for which you’ve tried hard enough with all your might and now you know that you cant make it come true or may be you even attempted to fly for it but because of some circumstances and reasons you quit the effort. Those kind of half baked dreams always be the reason of  cheerlessness, dejection and a heavy heart.

 

Going Beyond the Ethical Limits!!!!

For quite some time my patience has been tested,and i still am on trial. i just cant figure out the reasons that why am i being treated that way but those ways are extremely painful,stressful and hurtful.

What the issues (dont know even if it can be called an issue,either its a bad habit or good habit) with me are that i just cant go beyond the ethical limits i am being thought since childhood, which are flowing in my blood ever since i grew up into a gentle woman. No matter how angry i may be, no matter how furious on what so ever important matter i may be, no matter how upset or sad or distressed i may be i just cant do unethical actions like slamming the door hard right into its frame, or blasting the cutlery into each other that they would produce horrendous noise just to scare the other person out, or banging the keys hard on the table, or pulling the dining table chair with noise…..”NO WAY”. this all is read as unethical in my books or atleast ive beeen taught so.

Isnt it weird that just to show your annoyance and antagonism you go to such acts of being ill mannered, how cam some one?. Have you not ever been made to learn that all these acts which would be shown just to bring your own frustration out shows how have you been brought up and how mannered you are…..do i really make any sense?

For some one like me who places the door in its frame so quietly that others dont even get to know that ive entered, and place the glass on the table with out making a single noise this comes out to be hateful torture for me because it leaves me in tears out of anger as i find myself helpless in changing the circumstances.

last but not the least i feel like smashing the same thing right into the face of that person just to notify that it irritates me to this limit.

 

 

W!th T!me as I GROW!!!!!!!

 

Its been very truly said that as u grow older, with different experiences the meanings of life changes for you depending on your very tests and trials and incidents you go through.

As I look back in life and look at the things or ideas I was very strict/firm about initially in my life, I find a change in those ideas of mine now in the present situation, again the alteration came due to the experiences that I have had so far.

Practical and books are two different things that I have found yet. it was easier to say it then, but its difficult for me to go through it now. It was me who had a firm believe in this fact that a girl who is well educated, has a professional degree, has been to university for 4 precious years of her life, has worked hard to get those golden grades should NOT work after she gets married and if she is financially well to do then there is no need to go out and look for money leaving the comfort zone of your home. Yes it was ME, MYSELF and I who had such thoughts. And now when I am going through the same situation practically I am literally hating it. Its very easier said than done. It gets very suffocating at times being at home 24/7, doing just all those routine house hold tasks and then you are done and nothing else to do except to watch tv or stick to your laptop. I feel like going out, breath  in fresh air,do what “IIIIIIIII” want to do, fly and kiss the sky. Unaware of the outside world and the latest technology you being an engineer rust at home doing nothing. Adding some more spice to the frustration, when you realize it that it was your very own choice………phew

There is one more perception that has changed by the time, but I cant really discuss it here. That will be tooooo controversial to be discussed here;)

 

Question Deal # 1

Does your husband bring gifts for you occasionally? On birthdays, eids, anniversaries, those hidden silly anniversaries which only two of you know about, random gifts packed in those cute wrapping papers and ribbons and tags and pearls and boxes.

If “Yes” then what has been the most precious gift up till now?

 

Shetan & our Nerves

Something just made me wonder that y is shetan so dominant over us? Y does he have so strong grip over our nerves and our decision making powers?  y cant we at times or may be always just by pass this shetan’s  misguidance and go to the right path.

Knowing the fact that what we have in our mind or the decision that we are going to make has both the right and the wrong faces to it, we still fall pray to his misguidance and choose to walk over the wrong path? Y is sin that ecstatic that it even makes us to forget the right paths defined by Allah who actually loves us even more than 70 mothers altogether. Y not that kindness,  uncountable blessings of Allah over powers our nerves when we are about to make the decision and stop us from going towards the wrong.

Even having this in our minds that going for the wrong path does have disadvantages in the long run for us but still just for that temporary pleasure and delight we tend to decide for it. Y do we take HIS love for granted, y doesn’t His uncountable grace and divine sanctions stop us from being unreasonable and look for sins willingly, y God himself has made the shetan so powerful and not our nerves that strong to fight against the evil thoughts and make him loose in front of the LOVE of All Mighty?or its the other way round,its us who dont know how to fight for the right cause????

Or is shetan that very strong or we are too weak to fight against him?

 

Enough Already!

Enough  Enough  Enough Enough Enough!!!

Firstly its just like a minute dot on the canvas that says “enough”, then by the time it keeps growing and growing and it appears exacty as loud as they appear above. Its like an empty cylinder that keeps filling in and then in the end this large enough comes out of it as there is not sufficient space in it. I want to say it as the judge in any court room says “order order order” when some chaos goes on in the court room. I want to say it with burning eyes like coal so that the person whom it is intended for should know the intensity hidden behind these words. The growl  in the voice would make the person shiver and should know what enough means. No explanations, no clarifications, no justifications, no reasons should be required to explain what this ENOUGH means. Just the word itself should be so powerful to put the meaning across.